Social lubrican....or the DEVIL?

So I was out a neighborhood bar with some friends tonight. Normally, my bar nights are peaceful and entertaining but tonight was a bit different. In the hour and a half that I was out there were 3 fights that almost broke out and I was involved with all of them in some form. First, my friend Chris' girlfriend got felt up by some random douchebag.

You know the type of drunk where your you almost look amphibious as your skin is basically shiny from oil, sweat, and god knows what else?

Yeah, so this guy feels her up and Chris goes after him. Chris is one of my best friends so ergo, I go after him too. Plus, I think people that pull shit like that are scum so I rather enjoy it. People are yelling, and getting all huffy and the owner comes and kicks Tipsy McGrab-Hands out the door. Then some guy tries stealing Matt's drink, and he calls Chris and I over to help him. Once again, guy get's kicked out. Lastly, some other random douche grabs Matt's girlfriend and runs off before anyone even knows what happened.

Also, I got lectured on the meaning of the word "Utilitarian" by somebody that A) had previously been dealt massive head trauma and gone through serious rehab and B) Had drank enough to put a small elephant into a coma. From what I can understand, it has something to do with a train, a gunman, and a train made of gunmen, and you throwing the track switch at the right time. Yeah, alcohol is awesome.

It's a classy bar, really. Bring the kids.

Raiding the Keep of Nog-Shagareth.....for love.

So I'm currently sitting in the hallway at school waiting for my class to begin. Habitually, I'll arrive to find 2 very under-sunned and over-weight people with their laptops open playing World of Warcraft, leeching off of our schools wi-fi much like I'm doing now. Up until now, their relationship was unclear to me, but it now seems that the orc fighting duo are boyfriend and girlfriend. This was made clear to me when the boy of the duo vocally declared vengeance on some random player over the nets for killing his immortal beloved.

Hilarity ensued, and I got looked at, very hard.

The woods are burning!!

I swear I'm starting to feel like a real live Willy Loman. Between working at the shop and going to school full time with 3 hours of commuting involved I feel like I should be getting ahead somehow.

Of course I'm not, otherwise I wouldn't be blogging about it.

Moving makes the most sense, but with the economy the way it is, there aren't many jobs to replace what I have, even though what I have isn't paying the bills by any standards.

I long for the day I can wake up, go to work for a company that pays decent, and come home to do whatever I want, instead of rushing off to make a class. Just do what I need to and then live like a normal human being.

Maybe I could be a pirate.

Things that fill me with ire.

So I decided to make a list of things that irk me, I don't know why but I just figured what the hell. The list grows day by day, so I'll probably add more as time goes on. You pumped? Here it is.

1.Drunks in bars that want to talk about the deeper meaning of songs when in fact there is no deeper meaning at all.

Example:Lynn Strait did not have anything important to tell us when he wrote,"My Balls, Your Chin", other than that he wanted to put his balls, on your chin.

2.People that drive with one hand on the wheel and the other on the head rest of the passenger seat, like they are Fonzy or something.

3.Anyone that can't see the downside to cross-breeding spiders and goats. Sure, we can make flak vests out of the milk, but what happens when they escape, cause they will.

4.Humidity

5.People that tell me that they are into really heavy music, and then tell me the new Nickelback cd "Shreds"

6.People that ask me for driving directions and then cut me off halfway through to ask me something else and then end up leaving before i'm done telling them. I hope they get lost and end up having some crazy guy named Bubba hunting them while wearing a bloody wedding dress. Should have listened to me when I said make a left at that light.

7.People that don't think ninja's are pretty damned awesome.

8.NASCAR. Apparently Dale Earnhardt was an angel, sent from heaven to tell up something really really big.....by going in circles. Religious scholars maintain that if he would have finished that last race, he could have cured cancer. Coincidently, NASCAR fans seem to be the worst drivers in the world.

9. Rosie O'Donnell, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Oprah. If you have a crisis, and any of these people want to help, just say no. Otherwise things will get mind-bogglingly worse in the time it takes to say," I think the real issue here is (race..prejudice) and not that..."

10. Anyone that is anti-stem cell research. Apparently degenerative diseases like ALS and Alzheimers are God's way of testing our faith. Apparently he's moved up from making someone almost cut their son in half.

11.When I try to post a blog and Myspace and the fucker just quits on me.

12. Messed up computer cords.

13. The fact that Cyprus Hill are not my neighbors

14. Sitting on the proverbial train tracks and waiting for the train to turn grind you into nothingness.

15.Being out of cigarettes

16.Breaking a guitar string

17.Waiting, all forms

18.Dial up

19.These things ~

20.Adam

21.People that type using shorthand like,"d00d, u wuz nutz 2nite, it wuz gr8!". People that type like this should have their hands chewed off by giraffes on methamphetamines.

22.When I come up with a really killer riff, and then promptly forget it.

23.When I'm savagely attacked by a tool at work, today I was ambushed by a band saw blade and my arm looks like it was mauled by a very angry, but weak, cat.

24.People that tout God as as the answer to everything. If it's that simple, why don't they cure cancer? oh wait, they aren't Dale Earnhardt.

25.The fact that no matter how hard I try, I will never be as cool as Bear Grylls. Ever.

An older entry

Strange dreams. I've been having them recently. My dreams are normally rather, well...normal. Just scenes that could happen on any given day. Other than the recurring nightmare that I've had since I was a kid and the random stress-induced teeth falling out one, my dreams are usually so boring that I don't even think about them.

but last night's was a zinger!

For some strange reason I was in some dystopian future in some run-down building and I kept having to fight the lead singer of the real band, Amen. The lead singer's name is Casey Chaos, and in my dream he was a total dick. I don't know what Casey Chaos looks like in reality nor do I know much about the band except that I don't like their music. I could google him, but really, I rather like not knowing. The setting was really strange as if wasn't a knock-down-drag-out fight like I would figure any good brawl to be, but rather we would exchange punches and continue what we were doing until we ran into each other again.

As in
Me: "I'm going to get a coke" and I run into C.Chaos in the hallway.
CC:"OOOOOH I've got a problem with you and I write stupid lyrics!!" and he throws a punch.
Me:"That was bush league you bastard!" and I throw a punch.
Me: "I better go and get that coke then...." and we walk our separate ways.

So I would get my coke and then decide I needed to do something elsewhere and I would see that dude again and the whole godless endeavor would start all over. I'd love to say that this ended in some sort of epic scene of ass-beatery but it just kept going on and on until he calls on some bouncer..bodyguard type and....

(and this is where it gets strange)

it's me. The guy has my friggin' doppleganger as one of his henchmen ( yes, henchman, like he's a criminal boss or something). Now mind you, I am perfectly capable of defending myself and have had the misfortune (in one particular case the extreme fortune) of being in some physical to-do's, and I know what I'm capable of but this was ridiculous.

The other me (we'll call him Anti-Dan or Bizzaro Dan or something) was like a bastard child of these things;
Billy Blanks
A squirrel on speed
a ninja
my grandma when she's exremely pissed off (that shit is scary)

Anti-Dan was pulling such crap on Dream Me that if I wasn't getting my ass handed to me at the time, I'm sure I would have been in subtle awe of his skills. It was like he could punch, kick, headbutt and play chess AT THE SAME TIME, all while never having to use his queen.

Needless to say THAT ended in an epic scene of ass-beatery that, had it happened in the real world, would surely inspire tales to be told for generations.

Anti-Dan is one bad mutha.

The other that's been bugging me was this David Lynch-esque one that, no matter how many times I try to even describe it, never makes any sense so I'll spare any people that choose to read this. I used to think I wanted nuttier dreams, but now I find myself longing for the usual assortment like I'm trying to find a bowl for my cereal and can't cause all I have are plates, or I'm playing a show or something.